A crappy night....Literally

Just when things go smoothly for a while with Ben, he has to go and act like a dog again. Gracious, I wish he'd stop that! ;)

Yesterday I was sick, so I stayed home from work and had a chill day. Around 2, Ben and I went to the post office and then I took him to the dog park. When Ben goes #2, he runs about as far away from me as he can get, usually into the weeds or at least to the perimeter of wherever he is at. It is only there, off leash, that he will deign to fertilize the soil. Yesterday, same routine. I pick it up (as all good dog owners at the dog park do!) and notice it wasn't...well-formed, shall we say. I attribute it to the small amount of avocado I gave him with breakfast.

I had recently read that avocados were good for dogs, and that it made their coats shiny. However, I also know that they are high in natural fats, thus making them a bit hard to digest. No matter though, as I was sure he'd be feeling better after an avocado-less dinner.

Being that I wasn't feeling well, I went to bed nice and early around 10:30. At 11:45, I was woken up by the sensation of 45 lbs. of dog pouncing on me. I rolled over, mumbled "Go to bed." and ignored Ben's attempts to wake me.

30 minutes later, and the pouncing continues, despite the fact that I was ignoring him (that usually stops his antics). I put Ben in his crate around 12:15, but was still awake and listening to him pacing, pawing and crying at 1 am. I decided, against my will, that I would take him out to pee, and nothing more.

As I mentioned, Ben only likes to poop off-leash, and for me to "legally" take him off-leash, I have to walk along the road and into the woods. That wasn't happening in the rain at 1 am. I trudged downstairs as he pranced and wiggled and squirmed his way in front of me to the grass. It very quickly became apparent that he had no intentions of just squirting and going back inside; he was ready to do it all. He paced up and down the fence-line, staring longingly into the woods, whimpering and begging to be set free. After about 5 minutes of this, I decided, "What the heck?" No one was out, he'd stay right along the fence with me...No harm, no foul, right?

No sooner did I let him off-leash than he sprinted down the fence-line, through an opening in the bars and into the swampy/foresty area. I followed a little bit, panicking, because it was 1 am and Ben was gone. I quickly caught up to him, saw him relieving himself (and when I say relieving, I mean there was relief and joy written across his crazy little face). I assumed he would do his duty, and come back to me, ready to head inside for a peaceful night's sleep. WRONG!

Ben took off through the swamp, dashing around, leaping over tree trunks, splashing through puddles and muck, completely ignoring me yelling "Come here!!" I quickly realize that in order to get him, I would have to go to him, as he obviously had no intentions of coming back. I start down this hill into the swamp, sliding down in the wet grass, in my snow boots, and I get hit in the eye (twice) with a tall-weedy growth with pricklies on the end.

I kept muttering, "You have got to be kidding me. This isn't happening at 1 am. This has got to be a dream." However, when I then stepped in Ben's freshly-laid pile and smelled the rank odor of dog crap, I knew I wasn't dreaming. At that moment, as I was about to start cursing him and leave him to fend for himself, like a white phantom, he raced around the corner and ran straight up to me, tongue lolling and happily panting after his little run.

I snapped the leash on him and drug him inside. Once inside, out of annoyance, I put his bed in the laundry room and stuck him in there. I had no desire to continue laying awake listening to him pace and pant.

The gift-giving continued though. This morning, as I went to let him out of the laundry room to take him out, I was greeted, once again with that unmistakable stench. My gift to him? A tasty treat of avocado to make his coat shiny. His gift to me? Three piles of explosive diarrhea on the floor, floorboards and walls of my nice, clean laundry room. Later, this afternoon, he left me another present on the deck. OH-MY-GOODNESS. Will this ever stop?

I have learned my lesson. Ben will never eat avocado again. Ahhh....life with a dog.